Too often the words “We are sorry” are casually offered and easily accepted as if they possess a supernatural power to resolve every grievance and heal any wound. Yet, in my experience working with abuses in organizations, this short statement, offered as a bridge of reconciliation, is often surrounded by other messages that serve a very different purpose. Above, underneath, and all around this single bridge are numerous walls of defense. These walls are established to repel the shame that threatens from without and to protect the legitimacy hoarded within, ensuring that the bridge of apology allows no shame to enter and no legitimacy to exit.
Wade, I just realized I'd never commented on this - I've linked this article elsewhere so many times, and have appreciated it so much. It helped me through a lot of my own apologies and also helped me interpret the apologies of others. I've obviously read your book (thank you for that), and the whole thing is good, but this is the part I come back to over and over again, because of how often apologies are weaponized in the service of image management.
Brad Barber’s recent post about his role in the amicus brief is an example of an apology that asks for sympathy.
He didn’t actually say he was asking for sympathy; but because he wrote so much about how busy he was and how the demands of his job and the demands of the legal firm (“You must sign this today!”) didn’t allow him to give proper attention to the amicus brief, Brad was in essence asking for sympathy.
Wade, I just realized I'd never commented on this - I've linked this article elsewhere so many times, and have appreciated it so much. It helped me through a lot of my own apologies and also helped me interpret the apologies of others. I've obviously read your book (thank you for that), and the whole thing is good, but this is the part I come back to over and over again, because of how often apologies are weaponized in the service of image management.
Anyways - thank you so much!
Perfectly composed!
Thank you. I learned much.
Brad Barber’s recent post about his role in the amicus brief is an example of an apology that asks for sympathy.
He didn’t actually say he was asking for sympathy; but because he wrote so much about how busy he was and how the demands of his job and the demands of the legal firm (“You must sign this today!”) didn’t allow him to give proper attention to the amicus brief, Brad was in essence asking for sympathy.
Wade, thank you for continuing to shine a light on these issues.